Ah wanna go wi’ Britney, but Herself will nae let me.
She says if ah go wi’ Britney, that she’s gonna hit me.
Oh ah wanna go wi’ Britney, but my wife willnae let me
Oh no Oh me Oh my.
Ah think she’s in a muddle, and she jist needs a wee cuddle
Ah think I’m the man tae show her fun, but my wife willnae let me gie’ her one
Ah think she’s in a bit o’ a pickle, and needs a wee bit o’ slap’n'tickle
Ah wanna go wi’ Britney, But my wife willnae let me
She says if ah go wi’ Britney that she’ll throw me oot, and hit me.
Oh ah wanna go wi’ Britney but my wife willnae let me
Oh me, Oh my.
Ah’ll get ma leather troosers, and show her a’ the boozers
Ah’d even shave ma heid, but widnae touch the weed
Ah could dry all her tears, that poor lass Britney Spears
Ah jus’ wanna comfort the lass, but my wife will gie’ me a kick up ma ass
Oh ah wanna go wi’ Britney, but my wife willnae let me.
Ah wanna go wi’ Britney, but ma leathers dinae fit me
Oh ah wanna go wi Britney, just wan kiss, if she’ll let me
Oh ah wanna go wi’ Britney, but my wife said she’d hit me
Oh no, Oh me, Oh my.
A jist wanna comfort the wee lassie, ah think she’s awfy sassy
Ah luv that Britney Spears, fur her ah’d shave ma ears
Ah wanna go wi’ Britney, but my wife willnae let me
Ah wanna go wi’ Britney Spears, Ah’ve fancied her fur years’n'years
Ah wanna go wi’ Britney, but George W Bush willnae let me
Oh no, Oh, me, Oh my.
Archive for June, 2008
I Wanna Go Wi’ Britney..
NEED…………
I don’t need a crock of gold
I don’t need a witches brew
I don’t need the pope in Rome
I don’t need any one of you
I don’t need any inner peace
I don’t need any black magic
I don’t need the Sun to shine
I don’t need anything tragic
I don’t need the holy bible
I don’t need the word of God
I don’t need your Jesus Christ
I don’t need another silly sod
I don’t need a statue of Budha
I don’t need any crystal healing
I don’t need any fake astrology
I don’t need any group-hug feeling
I don’t need your worldly dignity
I don’t need someone to follow
I don’t need your type of humanity
I don’t need the Greek God Apollo
I only need to be me
It’s not virtual reality
It’s what I need to be
Just holding on to sanity
Start To End
I’ve come here once again
To share with you my pain
Please don’t treat me with disdain
I’ll soon be off to Spain
Another bill to be paid
More new plans to be laid
Keep trying to make the grade
Embers of life start to fade
Trying hard to generate
Peace and hope, instead of hate
The planet’s in such a state
There’s no point getting too irate
Sit and watch the setting Sun
Children laughing, having fun
Now the day’s nearly done
I’ll have my dinner for one
Take a walk down by the sea
Seagulls fighting intensely
Water keeps flowing relentlessly
The best things in life are free
Getting sand between my toes
Forgetting all my earthly woes
Times have been harsh, and it shows
like a book, life will one day close
Without Poo!!
No I can’t forget the heaving.
Or all the heavy breathing.
And I now know that’s how constipation goes.
I almost smiled, but in my arse the blockage grows.
Yes it grows.
So I’ll try again tomorrow
Or I might just drown my sorrows
When I have to poo, but can not let it flow
And it smells so bad, if I should let one go
Should let one go
I can’t shit, if shitting is without poo
I can’t shit, I can’t shit anymore
Can’t shit if shitting is without poo
I can’t shit, I can’t push anymore
No I can’t do no more heaving
Cos my piles have started bleeding
Yes I guess that’s just the way the blockage goes
And then I smile, as the brown stuff starts to flow
Yes it flows
I can shit, I can shit so much more
I can shit, even though it’s so sore
I can shit, I can shit so much more
Oooh shitting is without poo
Don’t Be Nasty
Everybody’s blogging about gales, sales, whales, windmills, icy-chills, local councils,
All I am asking is don’t be nasty
Everybody’s blogging from the US of A, England, the Auld Enemy, Norway and even Germany.
All I am asking is don’t be nasty,
Everybody’s blogging about the styles, the miles and miles, the smiles, their kitchen tiles.
All I am asking is don’t be nasty,
Everybody’s blogging about the what they hear, a birthday cheer, hopes and fears, no more tears, rent arrears
All I am asking is don’t be nasty.
Everybody’s blogging about island life, trouble and strife, a runaway wife, all the rain, it’s a pain, money down the drain.
All I am asking is don’t be nasty.
Everybody’s blogging about havers, shavers, savers, movers, groovers, hoovers.
All I am asking is don’t be nasty
Everybody’s blogging about their neighbourhood, bad and good, organic food, cats and dogs, past bog slogs, other blogs.
All I am asking is don’t be nasty.
Everybody’s blogging about BBC and ITV, a dodgy knee, you and me, the local bank, a septic tank, who to spank, I need a wank
All I am asking is don’t be nasty.
Everybody’s blogging about the money, honey, sunny, funny times in the past, that went by so fast.
All I am asking is don’t be nasty.
Everybody’s blogging about Rangers, strangers, dangers, ferries, cherries, berries, chancers, enhancers, cancers & dancers.
All I am asking is don’t be nasty.
Everybody’s blogging about their other-half, what a laugh, untrained staff, Free Tibet, the cat’s at the vet, a room to let, reading books, their good looks, the tv cooks
All I am asking is don’t be nasty…
Hillary Or Hilarity?
Why do people focus on Hillary Clinton as this-:
The way she walks, the way she talks.
Her emotional stresses, the way she dresses.
Her husbands gaffes, the way she laughs.
Her choice of shoes, is that really news?
The color of her hair, dark, blond or fair.
The food she cooks, the way she looks.
Her lipstick choice, her pitch of voice.
“Can you Iron my shirt?” A shout that hurt.
Were her tears all fake, too much rouge a mistake?
Her mature womanly grooves, the way that she moves
Her policies are all on show, isn’t that all they need to know?
They don’t want a woman to rule, and that’s why they’re being so cruel
If she was a man, or even black, the agenda could be the war in Iraq.
I don’t know if she’s right for the job, but think, before you open your gob.
A Verse For A Valentine?
A VALENTINE VERSE?
My love for you grows stronger every day,
My love for you will never ever fade away,
My love for you my darling is strong,
My love fir you will never go wrong,
This valentines day is just like any other,
Every passing year you get more like your mother,
She sits in her chair her face in a frown,
If I was a dog she would have me put down,
I jest my darling, my lovely Herself,
I want you one night all to myself,
But not tonight the footie is on,
When the kids are in bed and visitors gone,
We’ll go upstairs and into our room,
Like we’ve done before as bride and groom
The bedroom door I’ll firmly shut.
Because in this verse there’ll be no smut.
It
Does it really matter? It depends what it is. If it is something big in your life, then it does matter, but if it isn’t a very important part of your life, like saya puusy cat, then it ( that’s the pussy) doesn’t matter at all does it? That’s the it that was the pussy, and not any other it, maybe it was another it? There are too many its here, it’s getting confusing for a poor old blogger like me. What is it? It can be whatever you want it to be. Do we really want it? If want and need are separated then we may need it, or want it. Like if you’re putting a screw into a wall, you will need a screwdriver, the screwdriver being it, or a hammer, really you don’t want it, but you need it, not the hammer, but the screw, you need it, or you may not need to screw at all, so you don’t need it, but maybe you want to screw in the wall, but that is not needing it, that is wanting it, and we all want it, however we don’t all get it ( a bit like this weblog posting, some of you will never get it) some of us get it, some of us don’t get it. Some of us get it, when we don’t want it, and some of us don’t get it, when we could really do with it. So if you’re getting it, then just think about it, for a moment, because while you have it, some other poor blighter isn’t getting it. If you don’t need it, or want it, leave it alone, put it back, because someone, somewhere, someday, somehow will be looking for it.
That’s it covered then
| Bob & George |
|---|
| This is a story about a friend of mine ( that’ll be Bob then) who decided not to hide his sexuality anymore ( he didn’t streak or anything like that, so you can put the camera down). I did not know that he was in fact gay, it never really came up in conversation, Herself knew, or so she said, but it didn’t matter to me what Bob was, because Bob is my friend. So Bob came out, and told his family that he was a homosexual/gay. His family didn’t take the news too well, nor did some of his friends, but to me, Bob was still Bob, he was still my friend, and we had new names for each other, a bit of fun. Now Bob moved in with another man ( I’m assuming that this other man is also gay, I don’t really know George, Oh and Bob & George are not their real names) and his family have shunned him for it, they don’t want to know him anymore, which is a shame, because Bob is still their son, Bob is still a brother to his sisters, but they won’t speak to him anymore, which is really hurting Bob, I could see it in his face, because he used to be very close to his sisters children, and loved taking them to the park, & baby-sitting for them, but he can no longer see them, and it is breaking his heart. Last week, Bob told me that he had a communication from his sister, and she said that if he left the island, for good, the family would pay for him and George to go wherever he wanted, and she also added that if he took up this offer, she would maybe think about letting Bob see the kids again. I don’t understand all this, why are they doing this? What century are these people living in? What crime has Bob committed? It is unbelievable, in my opinion, that anyone could do that in this day and age. I thought all that homophobia stuff was in the past, but I was wrong again. I did think to myself ” What would I do if Boy declared that he was Gay?” I wouldn’t do anything, because he is still my son, still my Boy, and I’d still love him the exact same way as I do now. Am I wrong? If someone close to you declares that for example, they wanted a sex-change operation, would you help them, be there for them, discuss the situation with them, or bannish them for ever? I know what I would do.I AM A MAN????? I am a blogger, just a blogger I am a man, Oh yes I am I like blogging, silly blogging I am a man, an ordinary man I’m a blogger a silly blogger I am a man, I can understand I’m a blogger, just a blogger |
| I’m Boring You |
|---|
| I’m here in my own front room Speaking to the Prophet of Doom Will the price of oil fall? Why are we here at all? I’m boring you I’m boring youSometime my mind gets lost How much will all this cost Can’t get my brain engaged It can make me so enraged I’m boring you I’m boring you Yet in my mind, I’ve to make a decision I can’t remember all the good stuff You may not like me, but I don’t care The End. Tws… |
Knocking On Heavens Door..
I am here to inform you that there is new government legislation, which states that ALL new houses must NOT be fitted with an electric doorbell. Now this will help, in a small way, to cut down the carbon emissions, however a lot of new houses, and indeed older houses that are getting new doors ( we’re getting one on Monday, well so he said, but did he say which Monday?) are being fitted with good old-fashioned knockers. I think that having knockers is a good thing, however there is a new campaign group started, that does not want knockers. they call themselves Women Against Noisy Knockers, or W-A-N-K for short. They believe that if everyone had knockers the world would be a very noisy place. A representative of W-A-N-K, said” I don’t want to see great big knockers in my street, I’m all for going green, but having knockers, and big noisy knockers, is not the way to go” Some of them have been protesting outside Kate Price’s house ( Jordan) because she has some of the biggest knockers in the country, and she’s loud and proud of her knockers.
In s this, I feel that this is not the last we’ll hear of Woman Against Noisy Knockers, and their protest against knockers.
This is Tws reporting
OH!!
I’ve come here to explore, and maybe bore, knock on my door, same as before, go to the store just once more
I look such a sight, it’s dark at night, do be polite, that squeeze is so tight, should we fight or flight? Tell me tonight, go fly a kite.
I look for a cure. it’s got to be pure, yes I’m very sure, don’t act demure, you’re talking manure, I don’t feel secure
You think you’re so hard, a bit of a card, but now that you’re barred, everything that you’ve marred, will never be starred, you’re a tub of lard
Don’t act too cute, or try to be astute, just play with your flute, wow that’s a real beaut, should I salute, before you shoot then pollute, that does not compute.
You don’t need to swear, oh sit in the chair, where? over there, don’t you dare give me that glare, it just isn’t fare, I’ve got nothing to wear, why do you stare, you think we’re a pair, just because I’m bare?
I’m here, with my beer looking queer, no one comes near, they all steer clear of my sexy rear.
What you got? What you bought? You will get caught doing things you ought not, I’m losing the plot, put a penny in the slot, to hear the Scot who never got shot, so what.
Fin.
